Saturday, November 19, 2005

Hello? Is this the ACLU....

"Hello? Hello? Is this the ACLU? I wish to report on behalf of my brothers and myself religious harassment.
"You have reached the American Civil Liberties Union. Why do you feel you are being harassed?"
"My brothers and I, we are Moslems. We go to public university. I and some of my brothers go to school here in Minnesota, some of my other brothers go to school in Iowa"
"How many brothers do you have?"
"I have one brother"
"and you and your brother feel you are be harassed for you're religious beliefs?"
"My brothers and I..."
"but you just said..."
"I have many Moslem brothers!"
"okay, I see you are speaking metaphorically..."
"Yes, yes we are all being harassed by the University of Minnesota and the University of Iowa"
"Just those two schools? Please tell me when and how the harassment started"
"These schools are fine institutions, but they are insulting and ridiculing us. It starts every Autumn, for several weeks, and then things go back to normal until the following year"
"Only those two schools and only in the Fall? Please be specific as to the nature of the harassment."
"These two schools they have football teams. Every year they get together and play a 'border battle' game. There is a trophy that is given to the winning team to enshrine for the year"
"Yes, that is a common tradition in many colleges and universities."
"Ah, but you see, the trophy-award in this case, is called Floyd. It is a pig! I would like to say, I normally have as much 'school spirit' as my fellow students. But a pig! Moslems are forbidden to have anything, anything to do with that unclean animal!! It is offensive to even look upon one!"

"Sir, it is just a statue..."
(shrieking) "Of a PIG!! A graven image of a pig named Floyd! When this disgusting tradition started they actually used a live pig!! It is an idol! Aren't Jews and Christians alike forbidden to possess idols? How can they be so insensitive! "
"But..."
"Every Fall, it starts as a low whisper and builds in crescendo until all over both campuses all we hear about is Floyd! We Need to Keep Floyd, or We Need to Bring Floyd Back With Us!" We are ridiculed and challenged about our lack of 'team spirit'
"Sir..."
"They worship that trophy! They worship that PIG!"
"I can see your point. There have been some court cases in Europe regarding 'piggy banks' being offensive. Especially when given to a Moslem child to save change in. It is rather insensitive. Has anyone done anything, maybe spoken with anyone about your concerns at the schools involved? Or written a letter to the campus newspapers?"
(calmer) Well not really. We think they should be made to change the trophy to something else..."
"Such as?"
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe a fish?"

Note: the above conversation is purely fictional. It has taken place only in the author's brain. (Don't get any smart ideas).




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